Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Sad, Angry, Confused

Wow, I don't even know where to start. Tuesday right after I posted the prayer request I got a call that the surgeon decided to do mom's surgery now.

Last Tuesday night my earth was shattered.

After 3 1/2 hrs of surgery the Dr. came out an said that mom is absolutely full of cancer and she had anywhere of 2 days to 2 weeks to live. He said we/she would never leave the hospital. They moved her to the ICU where she was on the ventilator. She was taken off of the ventilator late Wednesday. I am skipping many parts here but I want to hit the big stuff. She ended up staying in the ICU until Friday. I am proud to say that she is one of very few patients that walked from ICU (Level 2) to any other level especially the Oncology floor (level 7). Stella is a fighter and I have never forgotten that. She now knows the whole story (at first the doctor wanted her to know very little because it would help her recover) We met with the oncologist today and they are done with there part. Mom will be moving in with Brian and I after she is dismissed from the hospital and we will be doing home health care until we need hospice. I will not put my mother in a home! No it is not something to be proud of me for, I am just doing what I can do. I promised her certain things, as the oldest child and this is one of many.

Today the oncologist seemed to think that if mom's nutrition levels would rise that we maybe could have a few more months with her but that this cancer is terminal and there is nothing more that we can do. This also means that I, Gina, age 26 will need to decide my future family plans soon so that I can have a total hysterectomy. Not an easy thing to do.

I just wanted to update you all that read this, it has been a trying week. I am not wanting sympothy or anything, we all have our issues to deal with, but also I am not answering my phone, just very painful to talk about this. Especially when I have 7 other brothers and sisters that want updates every docotr visit. Plus mom has 11 brother and sisters all wanting updated. I have a full plate right now, but e-mails to my home address are appreciated, when I have time to get on here and read them.

I am sorry for being so vague but this is a different experience and it is hard to put all of the emotions into words on this computer.

6 comments:

AndreaChad said...

Gina,
I have been thinking/praying for your family this last week after you posted about surgery. Your family is also on our prayer chain at church. I too know that you are a fighter and will do all that you can to make sure your family gets what they want/need.

Anonymous said...

Gina,
Hey girl, I have been thinking and praying for you a lot!!

Jodi

The Preister's said...

Gina - I pray that God wraps his loving arms around you and continues to give you the strength you need to get through this. PLEASE let me know how I can help. If you want me to come down and take Gavin out for a few hours, I am your girl. I am so sorry...love you.

Anonymous said...

Gina and family...........may the love of God be with you now and somehow give you the strenght to face each new day. Our prayers will be with you all

Sandra Borg

Anonymous said...

Gina - you and your family are in our prayers. We ask that God gives you the comfort and the srength that you need. We will continue to pray for you all.

Anna said...

Gina,

What a blessing it is that you can bring Stella home and minister to her with your sweet, loving care. You will never look back to regret this loving sacrifice. I ask our heavenly Father to give His angels charge over you and trust you will feel His everlasting arms lifting you to the task. I pray that Stella will feel His presence and be drawn to the joy of heaven.

When people want to do something for you, Gina, let them. They can make meals for you or possibly do a little light cleaning to take some of the burden off and let you just be with your mom. They might sit with her awhile and let you get a nap.

The following passage is a comfort to me during difficult times, but in John Bunyon's allegorical book Pilgrim's Progress, these words take on a special significance. When Christian finishes his journey and prepares to go into the Celestial City, he first has to cross the dark river and is frightened. Christian's friend reminds him of these words and he receives the peace to continue on across.
"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name; you are Mine!
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,
Nor will the flame burn you,
For I am the the Lord you God,
the holy one of Israel, your Savior..."
Psalm 43: 2-3a

With much love,
Aunt Anna